


My Boy

by things-we-used-tc-share (Heavydirtys0ul)



Series: the billie eilish tapes [21]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, Unsympathetic!Deceit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:08:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26212405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heavydirtys0ul/pseuds/things-we-used-tc-share
Summary: Janus will always say "I'll change" but it never has and never will mean a thing.(reposted from my tumblr from a long time ago)
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Series: the billie eilish tapes [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1281875
Kudos: 5





	My Boy

Roman is getting tired of chasing after someone who loves like a rock cracking in the sand. Dry, uncomfortable and clumsy (and bound to cause pain). Janus doesn’t really know how to love and it’s not as if he’s had any exemplary examples, with a father that could only love the bottom of a bottle and a mother who couldn’t even tell her son she loves him. But it’s no excuse for treating his boyfriend like an easily discarded piece of meat. 

He lies so much. Questions that don’t even need a lie, answers that Roman knows aren’t true, sometimes it’s so ridiculous, like a game they’re both playing and neither of them wants to win or lose. The only thing lost is each other by the end. “You said you’d be here at nine,” 

“No, I didn’t,” Roman’s tears of frustration are from him reaching his tether. He’d said he’d be here at nine if only he could just say sorry that he’d forgotten like a normal person instead of making Roman feel like he’d lost his damn mind. He’s not some toy that the other man can throw away when he’s tired and done, he has a mind and he can _think_. He _knows_ Janus said he’d be there at nine. This happens so often. 

“I’ll change I promise,” a desperate man’s lying words to test how many strings he has attached to his boyfriend that he can tug. Dance like a puppet on a string. But Roman’s done dancing for the other, he’s done hearing the same words and he’s going to lose his mind if he stays in this relationship for a minute longer. 

“No, you won’t,” 

And he walks away. Roman’s lover doesn’t love as much as he promises or even at all really, because if he loved him then the other boy wouldn’t be sat on his own doorstep, cradling a bottle of Kopperberg and the tears in his eyes, and not much else. He hates that he loved the liar as much as he could; he was not the sort of person who could quite half-ass romance, he fell in love and that’s it. 

His heart feels like it’s burning. One day, someday, Janus will change and he’ll fall in love. Roman hopes that day comes not just for whichever poor soul comes next but also for the boy who had never known how to love without breaking every heart he touched. He hopes one day Janus really does change for someone. 

But it won’t be him and it was never going to be him. If the elder does love him it isn’t enough for the words “I’ll change,” to mean fucking _anything_. 

So Roman finishes his bottle and throws the glass in the bin, running a tired hand through his hair and shaking his head like he can shake off the heartbreak of falling in love with pretty lies and flowery deception. Despite the tears on his face and the shattered expression he smiles just slightly, he’s free, he’s walked away. 

And he’s never walking back.


End file.
